Conversation Techniques to Building Deeper Relationships



My dad ordered a book and we received it a week after he passed away. It was called Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being by Dr. Martin Seligman.  FLOURISH - what a perfect word to sum up the life my dad wanted to live. He was all about looking at life through "positive" eyes. And even with all his health issues, he chose to live a life full of joy, full of enjoyment, full of laughter....just full!

I read this book and it was so powerful. Part practical wisdom, part self-help with a lot of scientific studies to back it up. It was slow going for me (felt like I was back in college studying), but I was able to pull out many helpful gems that both reinforced my focus on a joy-filled life and opened my eyes to several new things.

One of the most interesting things I learned was... how we respond in conversations can strengthen or weaken our relationships.

How to deepen a relationship with one Conversation Technique.

When people we care about tell us about a victory, triumph or good thing that happened to them, how we respond can build the relationship or undermine it.
  • Active/Constructive  Acknowledge, be excited for them, celebrate with them. Ask questions so they relive the moment with you.
    Non-verbal: Smiling, Enthusiasm.

  • Passive/Constructive  Passively say, 'that's nice'. No further interaction or conversation.
    Non-verbal: Little to no active emotional expression.

  • Active/Destructive  Critical, negative words, pessimistic, find the fault or potential downside in the victory.
    Non-verbal: Display negative emotions, frowning.

  • Passive/Destructive  No acknowledgement of the success/victory, change subject.     
    Non-verbal: no eye contact, leave room, etc.

I've been trying it. Such a great difference.

Have a Joy-filled week!  Love, Steph